No matter who you are - midwife, birth assistant, doula, friend, sister, mother, mother-in-law, neighbor, father, partner, etc... - your job is to sit and observe the laboring mother quietly while supporting her and her needs along the way.
Midwife: A good midwife will come into the room quietly. She will put her things down with reverence and respect to the environment of peace and calmness setting up her supplies as needed and encouraging her birth assistant to do the same. At the right moment between contractions, she will lightly touch the laboring mother's shoulder or leg and whisper, "Hello. I'm here. You're doing a wonderful job." Then, she'll find a comfy spot in the room and sit on her hands - knit, look through her chart and birth wishes, read a book, quietly observe the situation.
Birth Assistant: A respectful and supportive birth assistant will follow the lead of the midwife. She'll be just as quiet and just as reverent of the laboring mother's peaceful space. If she is expected to get vitals of mother and baby to establish a baseline, she approaches the laboring mother between contractions and announces herself, complimenting her hard work and letting her know she would like to get her and her baby's vitals. With permission, she gently proceeds, without making as much noise as possible and watching the laboring mother to make sure she isn't beginning to take her BP or pulse at the beginning of a contraction. She also moves herself to allow the laboring mother the ability to stay right where she is not having to move or adjust for the birth assistant's comfort. When that is done, the birth assistant, too, finds a corner in the room and sits and observes quietly.
Father/partner/supporting team: When her labor first begins, her support system follows the birth wishes the laboring mother set out beforehand. If she wants to be in her room with a lavendar candle burning, the hum of chanting music in the background and a tall glass of water in her favorite cup by her side, then that is what is done for her. The most important job of her support person is to encourage her and be there for her every need.
Doula: A doula's role is unique to other support persons. The doula if properly trained, educated and experienced can assess the mother's needs and anticipate what she will need before the laboring mother even asks. A doula supports her in all of the same ways as her support system but has the experience necessary to come up with key suggestions and ideas to help the laboring mother through each aspect of her journey towards birth. When a doula happens upon a couple working well together, she too should sit on her hands and observe them waiting for a moment when she is really needed to do hands-on work or offer such suggestions.
Other Observers: Anyone invited to the birth to observe but has no prior role given to them should maintain a respectful distance and volume level when speaking. Even better, consider doing things for the laboring mother in other rooms in her home like cleaning, cooking, childcare, etc... The birth team needs to be fed throughout labor and after the birth. The tub may need some boiling pots of hot water on a regular basis. The laboring mother may have older children who need tending to. The best thing other observers can do is let those she hired and asked to be a part of her birth team and support system help her through this journey while respecting her space.
Each person present should always be following the prior stated or written birth wishes of the laboring mother, should listen to her sounds and watch her reactions, should offer suggestions when it appears she is in need of guidance or she asks for them, should make little noise, should work to protect the laboring mother's space from interruption or noise and finally, should TRUST HER BODY to do its work. If you trust that her body knows what to do and her baby knows how to be born, she will too. At vulnerable stages, the laboring mother will look to her surrounding supporters for a look of confidence in your eyes. Will it be there? She needs to know that you trust in this process, too.
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